Planning on Deciding
On Your Own...?
To avoid further doubt and regret, beware of these
5 Common Pitfalls
Leaving out of F.O.M.O. or Pain
I know it's tempting to blame your partner or your relationship compatibility especially if there have been painful fights and periods of not not getting your needs met. But the reality ~ unless you are the minority of men in a truly abusive relationship ~ the grass is often not greener over there. Pause to discern why you are leaving and do so for the right reasons, after evaluating the true capacity and potential of your current relationship.
Doing what you've always done
The default of most men is what is familiar. If what is familiar means running away from true intimacy or holding on to relationships that are unhealthy and not reciprocal, you will experience powerful inertia to do what you have always done. We wish you courage to break free from the past and start to create a new patterns of relating that lead to true intimacy and lasting love.
Deciding out of guilt and shame
It is normal and natural to be questioning your relationship. You are not broken or flawed, selfish or mean for being ambivalent and torn. A lot is going on inside you that makes it muddy and terribly confounding. Please consider identifying the shame (something wrong with you) and the guilt (sense that you are doing something bad) and not choosing from either powerful emotions. There are other parts of you to listen to as well to help you make the wiser and braver choice.
Listening to Internet Arm-chair Experts
Many "experts" on relationships mean well but when they weigh in on such a charged dilemma, cannot help but try to steer you towards staying or going. There is a powerful bias amongst people who believe they have found a successful path to love and intimacy, to project onto you that their solution will work for you. They may offer you good tips but be aware of following their nudges to choose either way. Your path is your own and unique to the relationship you are currently in.
Thinking you must do this fully alone
We've been bread since infancy as men to see ourselves as Islands and to learn to walk the earth as Lone Wolves. This may help us survive or even succeed as individuals, but it is also the biggest reason why marriages fail and good men get taken down by depression. No relationship can thrive without a community of powerful and loving friends. I hope you have that or are in a position to create it for yourself going forward.
In the end, please know...
"I respect you for making a decision."
There is no better way to learn about ourselves and relationships than by making a clear choice and seeing where it takes us. I hope the next steps you take bring you closer to co-creating the powerful and loving relationship you've been longing for.
"If you come back, we'll be here, ready to welcome you..."
The Powerful And Loving (PAL) community is a life long commitment for me (David J.). It's what I need to help my marriage thrive and it brings me incredible joy to see men I care about not only becoming more fulfilled in their relationships and also how that ripples out to make us all more powerful and effective in the greater world.